Real Parents are Trans"parent"
By Mrs. Lorrie Flem, Publisher of TEACH Magazine
When I was a teenager, I had a friend whose mom wanted to do things with us. She wanted to be one of the girls, instead of one of the girls' moms. Even then, I knew this wasn't right. Not only did I not want to be friends with my friend's mom, it just felt wrong.
Now I look back on that, I recognize that this mom was just scared of the changes that were happening in her relationship with her daughter. She was unsure of how to transition from "mama" who could do no wrong, to "mom" who her daughter could identify her shortcomings.
Some moms just seamlessly move from Mama to Mom without a wrinkle, some do it fairly well and sew a few repairs along the way as they are needed, others will find their edges fraying and begin to try and quickly keep things just as they were. Changes are going to happen. What matters is how you adjust to them.
Change can be scary but as our children grow the key to easily slip into Mom from Mama (or from Daddy to Dad) is to:
· be real transparent
· be real honest
· become real friends.
Being real transparent means that you are easily approachable and totally trustworthy. No matter what you are doing, there is rarely anything more important than a child who wants to talk. Often times you will sense you need to talk to them but they don't have a desire to. Then it is up to you to make that happen.
Being totally trustworthy is obviously not repeating what your child shares with you. As a little note, I tell my children that there are no secrets between Daddy and me. We are one. If you tell me, you are telling him.
You can't force a quality conversation to come about in a 30 minute or even 2 hour time slot you might schedule it in for. Much time together leads to it in a meandering sort of way, like a gentle brook that winds around and cuts back in on itself, it doesn't go in the straightest most efficient way but it gets there in a pleasant peaceful way.
Now, when I say be honest, I don't mean you have to reveal all the mistakes of your past, of course, how much you reveal should be dictated by what will be beneficial. Any more than that, should remain a part of your past. That doesn't mean you aren't being real. It simply means you are being a real mom doing what is best for your children. Being real honest encompasses a willingness to admit your mistakes and show that you are learning from them.
Moms, set a standard and make humility and transparency a habit. To help our children catch the beauty of a life given to Jesus we need to humbly admit when we fall short of God's perfect design. Don't try to look perfect, if we do our children may well throw up their hands in despair. But when we share our own sins and also our experiences of God's mercy on the sometimes-bumpy trail to godliness, it will encourage them to persevere.
To become real friends you will want to invest your time in them. Play with them, pray with them, read with them, learn with them and laugh with them.
Real moms always remember the Biblical rules of sowing and reaping. If you plant honesty, you will reap trust. If you plant openness, you will reap intimacy. If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory. Of course, the opposite is also true. For example, if you plant dishonesty, you will reap distrust, etc.
So be careful what you plant now, it will determine what you will reap tomorrow. The seeds you now scatter will affect the lives of your children. Yes, someday, you will either enjoy the fruits or find them hard to swallow.
Feeling overwhelmed? Inadequate? Like you bit off more than you can chew? God says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness," 2 Corinthians 12:9.
You see, in God is available the all-sufficient grace we need. Let's admit our inadequacies to Him and ask for His blessing as we work on being real transparent, like real parents.
Lorrie
Lorrie has loved being Randy's rib for 23 years. They have 8 precious and often precocious children from 21 to 5 years old. She is the publisher of TEACH Magazine, author of more than 30 books, speaks nationally, and is known for her fun and real-life encouragement. You can hear from her weekly through TEACH Talk, and get a FREE ebook too! Love being a mom, make your marriage thrive, get wonderful resources and look more like Jesus everyday at www.TEACHmagazine.com.
As I write this, Jay and Heidi are travelling out east to Missouri and Tennessee. They just finished speaking at a Real Life Marriage Weekend as well as the FIAR conference, both in Missouri. Then they head off to Johnson City, TN for another Real Life Marriage Weekend and to be a part of the very first meeting of the First Class Johnson City, TN. May the Lord bless their trip!
